The night before put Jezika in a very difficult situation. On one hand, she would kick herself if Maxim got hurt on his little... tirade against the Bluefield. And on the other hand... Jezika wasn't quite sure as to who's side she was really on.
Jezika had quite the dirty little secret.
Technically, she was tied to the Brood through Salem turning her. But, she didn't want Maxim dead which was apparent by her actions in the Tavern the night before. Jezika was so torn, that she didn't know what she was going to do about anything. She knew that Salem could persuade her to hate Maxim because he was her maker. But, she knew that if he did that, she would tear up Hell to get away from him, and she was kind of fond of him, so she didn't want that happening. Jezika didn't like feeling as if she had no choice over her own decisions. Though, for all logical purposes, Jezika should hate Maxim. Loathe him actually. But, she didn't... which confused the woman to no end.
Her motives for doing what she had the night before and a week or so prior were for different reasons than one might know. Jezika protected Maxim because no matter how much they had fought, Jezika respected Maxim and didn't want anything to happen to him or his family. She had gone to Salem when he offered her the gift of life because she was about to die. For real this time, and Jezika was finally beginning to enjoy her life and everything seemed to be falling into place.
Being alone had seemed to work in her advantage. She didn't worry about having to hurt anyone -- anyone but herself. No one hurt her. She was perfectly happy. Then again, she hid a lot from the outside world. It was her fault she had exiled herself from the people who raised her -- the man who one had loved her and the child she herself bared.
Leaving no one would be better than leaving someone when that time came that she would eventually have faded from existance. However, she was blinded. She had people who cared about her. There were people the night before that helped her -- that saved her. But in her mind, she decided it was best to block that out. The less people close, would be the less people hurt.
The Priestess didn't want to hurt anyone. Really, truly... she didn't.
Slowly burning up from the inside, Jezika had been in constant pain and the thoughts that crossed her mind were morbid to say the least. She had been waiting for the day where she would just cease to wake up, or how long it would take her to become a pile of ashes. It wasn't unusual, but it didn't mean Jezika took it any more lightly than if it was just sudden. She had known it was bound to happen if she stayed mortal. She had been faced with the same dilemma time and time again. This time, she had no one else to turn to to help her.
Perched upon the front porch railing of her home, she was crouched on the thin beam of wood with her right side braced upon one of the supports. Cigarette between her lips, she watched the sun rise, she hadn't been to sleep yet. She hadn't slept in some time now, actually. Though she had loved doing this very thing for much of her life, and now she began to count the days before Maxim found out her secret, and what that would cause when he did. Closing her nearly glowing honey gold eyes, a sigh rose and fell her shoulders. She knew that Maxim had otherworldly creatures among his dynasty. What would make her any different than them? She was still breathing -- she had a heartbeat. Jezika was, for all useful purposes... alive. She could have very easily become a vampire, like she had been before. But, she didn't knowing that it would cause heaps of trouble for her because of Maxim's crusade against the undead.
Jezika didn't do it to try and trick anyone. She wanted to live. The self-preservation instinct had kicked in. There was so much she still had to do before she decided that it was time she joined her sister on the other side. Lowering herself some, she decided to finally sit upon the railing. She wasn't cold, even though frost covered the grass and trees that lined her property. Watching her breath puff out in coils of white from between her lips, she kept her unfocused gaze toward the horizon. She wasn't really looking at anything. Her home was secluded and off in the woods between the two temples. Easy access to each. Maybe she should consult with the goddesses. They could potentially tell her how she could handle a situation like this.
Or maybe, she was just on her own in Fucked-Up land.
The muscles along her arms and legs burned and screamed at the Priestess as she shifted her weight. The fight had taken so much out of her that she had literally crashed upon reaching her home. She wasn't so much physically injured, just drained. Sure, she had bruises and such, but nothing that wasn't already healed. Having watched Maxim storm off, Jezika hung her head in apparent shame. She should have been more persistant to go with him. If he died, it would be on her hands. At least, that's how Jezika saw it. "Damnit, Redmont. Accept some help for once.. I just hope you know what you're doing."
She wanted the Bluefield mongrel dead as much as anyone else. She'd gladly do it herself if she could. But, he was very much a larger enemy than she had originally thought. Maybe that would prove once and for all that she was on Maxim's side. After all, if she wanted him dead like one side of his family seemed to, she wouldn't have gotten involved and put herself in Alastair's crosshairs. She would have either watched him fight the beast, or she would have simply left the Tavern. But no. HELL no, at that. She got herself involved -- nearly killed to try and help him.
Nearly indestructable? Yeah, well, the test of that was soon to come. If she survived this, then maybe she was fated to live after all.
Ducking her head down, she ran her fingertips through her unruly vermillion tresses. She had risked her own life and the lives of the few who still hung around her to throw in with him the night before. If he turned on her now, Jezika would be a very unhappy demoness, that much was for certain. The High Priestess still concitered herself very much neutral. She may be.. on very close terms with Salem, but that didn't make her a bad person.
Though, she knew that if.. when Maxim found out, he would somehow blame her for Jass being taken. Jezika just knew it. She didn't know how deep the war within his family really was. Salem never spoke of it and she never asked -- in truth, she really didn't want to know. She didn't want to feel obligated to one side or the other. She was Switzerland, damnit! .. Sorta.. Maybe.. But she was on her own side, and that suited her just fine.
However...
Maxim better not be hypocritical. He, himself was engaged to a succubus. Which still blowed her mind to no end. Jezika wanted life -- she wanted companionship, which the latter didn't seem to be happening much seeings how Salem wasn't always around. But it was -- it had been human nature to crave the touch of another. Jezika had been alone for so long that she didn't know how to take it. It was a horrible feeling that Jezika had grown accustomed to. Lonliness, that is. It was the reason she had been keeping herself busy. She had tried to make friends with Maxim before -- since they had been friends long ago. Back when Jezika knew Maxim - -this incarnation.. Jezika didn't know at all and it was hurtful to her more than she let on. She didn't know him and before last night, he had attacked her one too many times for her to be debating this in her head. She should hate him -- she would have every right to. But, she didn't. She couldn't.. because somewhere in that unfeeling, malicious shell was her friend.
"God, why does life have to be so goddamn difficult?" Jezika paused. "Why does he have to be so goddamn difficult?"
Those were the million-dollar questions.
Goddess, she was fucked, no matter how she looked at it. And again, it was no one else's fault but her own. Maybe it was her fate to end up in situations like this one. Why did she put herself through it? Because she was a glutton for punishment, that was why. It was almost as if she thrived off of the drama she brought in and caused herself. That thought alone caused Jezika to become greatly depressed and the frown set deep on her lush, pierced lips.
Maybe, just maybe.. she should have let Maxim blow her head off that night in the Temple. It would have been an easier end than the future she soon saw for herself.
F o r e v e r sworn to keep it -- My filthy little secret
Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 12:05 pm